Beginning the Montessori preschool year is a time of excitement and uncertainty for many new children—and their parents. Separation anxiety is a common experience during early childhood, often surfacing when children face new environments or routines. These feelings are completely normal and generally subside as children build trust in their surroundings and caregivers. Below, we’ve outlined strategies to help you and your child manage separation anxiety, making the transition to preschool a smoother experience.
Understanding Separation Anxiety
Separation anxiety is a natural part of development, typically affecting children aged eight months to two years, though it can arise at any age. It’s linked to a child’s understanding of object permanence—the concept that something continues to exist even when it’s out of sight. Until children fully grasp this idea, they may feel distressed when separated from a familiar caregiver. First days at preschool or a new classroom can also trigger separation anxiety. As routines and relationships are established, children usually feel more comfortable and secure. Remember, separation anxiety is a phase that will pass with time, support, and understanding.
Preparing for the First Day
Preparation can ease the transition to preschool. Introduce the idea of school by reading books about characters going to school, such as Mum Goes to Work by Libby Gleeson, A Bit Lost by Chris Haughton, or How to Babysit a Grandad by Jean Reagan. These stories help children understand that going to school is a common, positive experience.
Practising Separation Gradually
Before the first day, consider practising short separations. Leave your child with a trusted family member or friend for brief periods to help them adapt to being away from you. Gradual separations can build confidence and reduce anxiety over time.
Model Positive Behaviours and Attitudes
Children are highly perceptive and can pick up on your emotions. Keep conversations about preschool positive and focus on activities your child might enjoy, like playing with new friends or engaging in art projects. When parents model confidence and enthusiasm, children are more likely to feel secure and excited about the experience.
Establish a Consistent Morning Routine
Creating a calm, enjoyable morning routine can ease anxiety on preschool days. Encourage children to participate by packing their own bag or picking out a comfort item to bring along. Singing a happy song or talking about the day’s activities can help set a positive tone. Always give yourself plenty of time to avoid feeling rushed, which can add unnecessary stress for both you and your child.
Acknowledge and Validate Your Child’s Feelings
It’s natural for your child to feel upset or anxious during separation, and it’s essential to validate those feelings. Let them know you understand how they’re feeling, and reassure them that you’ll be back soon. Avoid using bribes or incentives to stop crying; instead, gently support your child as they learn to navigate their emotions.
Create a Positive and Prompt Goodbye Routine
When it’s time to say goodbye, keep it brief and positive. Give your child a hug, let them know you love them, and reassure them that you’ll be back. Lingering can make the separation harder for both of you. Establishing a special goodbye ritual, like a “secret” handshake, a thumbs-up, or a simple kiss and hug, can make goodbyes easier over time.
Encourage Comfort Items
If your child has a favourite comfort item, such as a blanket or a small toy, let them bring it to preschool. Comfort items offer reassurance and help children feel secure in a new environment. You might also consider leaving a “love note” in their lunchbox or a family photo in their bag as an extra reminder of home.
Encourage New Friendships
Friendships can help your child feel more comfortable and connected at school. Get to know their classmates and encourage friendships outside of school. Familiar faces and friendships can make the preschool environment feel more welcoming and enjoyable.
Practise Short Familiarisation Visits
Before starting preschool, try to arrange two or three short visits to the classroom or school. These visits help children acclimate to the new environment and form positive associations with the space. This approach can boost their self-confidence and make the first day feel less daunting.
Be Consistent with Pickup Times
Punctuality at pickup time is essential, as it helps children feel secure and trust in the routine. If you’re late, it can heighten anxiety, making the next day’s drop-off more challenging. If you are running late, try to communicate this to your child’s caregivers, who can offer additional support and reassurance.
Reflect on the Day Together
On the way home, establish a habit of discussing your child’s day. Focus on positive moments, like playing with friends or enjoying an activity. Consistently highlighting these enjoyable aspects reinforces a positive association with school and gradually helps reduce any remaining anxiety.
With these strategies, you can help ease your child’s separation anxiety, fostering a sense of security and confidence as they begin their Montessori journey. Remember, separation anxiety is temporary and, with time, your child will grow more comfortable in their new environment, laying the foundation for a positive school experience.